something old something new for the season: Tips for choosing By Meenal Pandya
Meenal Pandya has been writing about India and its culture for
more than a decade. She has written several books, hundreds of
articles, and poems. Her writings have appeared in many
prestigious magazines, newspapers and journals around the
world. She lives in the US and is a writer, publisher and a
consultant. She has raised two daughters.
Looking to pass on some traditions to your
children?
Here are some tips:
The word “tradition” invokes the idea of an
out-dated, tedious, and complex custom too difficult to fit into
our busy lifestyle. Actually traditions are just the opposite.
Traditions are your language; you identify yourself with them,
express yourself through them and around them, and most
importantly, you feel an instant bond with people who are
familiar with them. A friend of mine who lives in Boston tells
me that, “There are two things I like to do to make me feel
Indian – make chappatis a couple of times a week and Rangolis at
festival times”.
Every family also, no matter where they are from
or where they live today has some unique identifying
traditions. Traditions create a strong bond within a family, a
community or a group and reflect what your family considers
valuable. They create memories and play a special role in
looking beyond ourselves. Migration with its related isolation
and distance and time pressures of our busy lifestyles can
uproot traditions that have been a part of the family for a very
long time – often centuries in a culture like India.
How can we keep traditions alive? How do we
decide which traditions to keep alive?
A starting point
Our seasonal and religious celebrations all
involve special foods, house cleaning, new clothes and exchange
of gifts with friends and family. Find out, if you do not know
already, which traditions are in your family: your family’s
special recipe for a particular sweet or a special way to
decorate the home. Recall details from your favorite childhood
celebrations and memories. You may find this to be an
interesting search in itself. As you discuss this with your
elders and your children you will see how it helps you connect
with them.
Find out why
Every tradition has roots and usually begins with
a story. Try to find out what was the reason the tradition was
started in the first place. If the tradition you enjoyed as a
child has religious roots, try to find out the story behind it
and share with your children. Finding out why a certain
tradition has become part of your family may help you decide if
it is worth passing on to your children.
Observance
Learn the details of what exactly is involved,
and when. Tradition, by definition is something that occurs at
a regular frequency. No matter how beautiful a tradition, if
you do not observe it with regularity, it will lose its
significance. Make sure you follow the tradition you pick with
some discipline. Although obvious, this is the hardest part of
keeping a tradition in a busy family life.
Make it enjoyable
One of the benefits when you transplant any
tradition is that you get a chance to reevaluate. See if this
tradition is truly bringing any joy to you and your family. A
boring tradition will not last for too long.
Get children
involved
Making kids follow a tradition can be fun if you
get them involved in whatever capacity that they can. For
example, if the tradition involves a pooja ceremony, then make
sure that the kids are helping you decorate or take part in the
aarti, or play a musical instrument during the prayer time.
If the tradition involves food – as many of them
do - see if you can get your kids involved in cooking. Not only
it will be a fun family activity but it will also provide time
together to talk about the tradition itself – a great way to
introduce other things around the culture, religion or
tradition.
Don’t get bogged down by gender roles – boys
might enjoy making rangolis as much as girls.
Improvise
When you are in a different culture, improvising
becomes the key. Some traditions may not translate well in
another culture but you can always improvise to fit your
family’s current needs and circumstances. For example, as a kid
I remember that every Sunday morning our family gathered around
the dining table –with a plate that carried a small diya and
incense for a prayer time. Each family member, including young
kids, offered a prayer and the last prayer was sung together as
a family. Living in America, I have changed this tradition from
every Sunday to every birthday in the family.
Get others involved
If possible, consider making it open to the
larger group. Extended family, friends, community whatever
works. Instead of making it a family event, for example, invite
your friends from other cultures. Share with others. This may
help children feel proud of the tradition. For example, while
celebrating Diwali, we always included our non-Indian friends
and the parents of our children’s friends.
Make your own
Keep in mind that traditions are created at some
time or the other so if you find that your family does not have
any particular tradition that is practical for you to keep in
your new surrounding, try to create a new one for your family.
A certain food as a new year celebration, a certain temple that
you visit on every birthday, a pooja that you perform on
Thanksgiving day, time that you volunteer as a family during
Christmas. Be creative. Traditions do not have to be
religious. Whatever you pick, will become a great memory for
your next generation.
Mind the frequency
Although it is not important how often the
traditional activity occurs, anything less than once a year will
not help a child remember it well enough. The frequency can be
daily, (such as offering food to the deity every day before
eating dinner) to every week or once a year. Usually any
tradition around holiday time is observed with gusto and it is
manageable in your busy life.
So pick a tradition and go with it. Most
importantly, have fun.
If you have questions or comments email us at
mailto:contact@teachindiaproject.org
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